The Games that Play Us
by rocca12
Summary: AU, takes place couple of years before the show picked up. Castle gets sentenced to death for the murder of Kate's mother. "There were many moments in Kate's life when she wished to turn back the time.[...] but in that moment, she is certain that even after all the bad decisions and pain and heartbreak that followed, she'd still make the same choice."
1. Prologue

This is a story and behind the story there is a manifest.

I'm lucky enough to live in a country where the death penalty was abolished long time ago, but it still remains a problem of our world. There is a long list of people, sentenced to death and executed while they were proven to be innocent years later. This list is way too long even though we know it's not even close to the real number of such only proves that we can never know for sure, because we are only humans and it's simply beyond our reach, to decide whether someone deserves to die or not. Yet, we still claim to be able to do that. We call it justice while in fact, it's revenge. Don't get me wrong, some things that people can do to each other are unthinkable and horryfing and there seems to be nothing that would right that wrong. There isn't. Death penalty is not justice, justice would be if we'd get back what was taken away from us. And killing another person doesn't bring back the people we lost, it doesn't fill the emptiness and it doesn't right the wrong. It only brings more pain to the world. Fighting violence with violence has never worked. I respect that some of you may have other opinion, and I don't want to convince anyone to anything. I just hope that someday I will be lucky enough to live in a world which doesn't solve problems this way.

So, in the meantime, this is my story. I don't own anything, characters and everything else belongs to the show runners. It's AU, my interpretation. Few necessary changes were made,first one, needed for this chapter is that it takes place couple of years before the show's timeline and in Florida/NY. I will post the rest of them along the way, before each chapter.

It's my first Castle story.

All mistakes are mine, I am not native english speaker, so bare with me ;)

Enjoy :)

* * *

There were many moments in Kate's life when she wished to turn back the time.

She would do so many things differently, if only she knew.

She would tell the boy she had crush the truth sooner, before he had moved to Texas, she'd force her grandmother to do the check-up more regularly so they'd detect the cancer much earlier than in the terminal phase when it has been already disseminated in her lungs and liver.

And finally, she'd keep her mom at home that day.

It would be a blessing to be able to alter the future, to avoid all the pain, undo all the mistakes, turn the odds in your favor.

But what if the knowledge is a curse and even knowing what follows, we wouldn't be able to change a thing? After all, it's our fate and it is inexorable.

Or even worse, if we would know what the future holds and how it all ends, would we even care to begin?

She wonders if he'd still be alive if she wouldn't barge into his life.

Salty and humid breeze swirls around her, mixing with the tears as she watches sand ridges formed by the wind, the waves crushing against the shore. Calm and violent, beautiful and frightening. His favorite.

"Kate! Are you coming?" The wind carries the voice and she turns towards them. Her family.

"Just a moment." She calls back, feeling familiar warmth washing over her. She never expected this. She never expected them to be so happy. Even if just for a while.

So when her bare feet sink deep into the warm sand as she walks back to them, in that moment, she is certain that even after all the bad decisions and pain and heartbreak that followed, she'd still make the same choice.

* * *

The metal door buzzes as they are sliding shut, the silence that follows awakes instant feeling of entrapment. It's not a surprise though. Prison must feel this way.

She has been standing outside for quite a long time until she finally gathered the courage to step in. Still not sure if the decision was right, she scribbles her name in the ledger and shakes her head when they ask for any metal objects or electronical appliances. She knew where she was going. And Kate Beckett never comes unprepared.

The guard leads her through the combination of corridors, sense of isolation swells with each step resounding in empty space. If she'd have to go back alone, she'd never find the right way. She wonders if this is not the whole point.

They finally stop, another metal door click and she's in.

He is already waiting.

He rises up from the chair when she enters, an old habit from the times and places where chivalry mattered.

She takes a moment to take a good glance at him. His hair is shorter than the last time she saw him, with occasional strands of grey, way too soon for his age. His face is a mask of a man who made a habit of hiding his thoughts. Navy blue prison uniform somehow brings out his eyes. She catches the quick glimpse of curiosity in them and she can tell, from the very first moment, that this man doesn't belong here.

His handshake is surprisingly firm. " It's a pleasure, Mr. Castle."

"And you are..?" He asks, holding her gaze for a moment. She looks oddly familiar.

"Sorry, I'm Kate."

As they sit down he gives in to his secret, old game of guessing who she is and what she came here for. It was usually one of two, a journalist or one of those crazy ladies who come here, trying to convert a hardshell criminal to the right path, convinced that they are the light of the Jesus in this God forsaken place.

Long time ago he threw away his pride and stopped declining those meetings. The perspective of a talk with another human being from outside world was too tempting.

She doesn't seem to be either. So he leans back in his chair, intrigued, waiting for her move.

"I'm here to hear your story."

They all are.

"Then that's a shame you troubled yourself all the way here." His lips pull up in a bitter smile. "You could just read the papers. It's all there. All juicy details included."

"I've already read the papers Mr. Castle. What I came here for is the real story. And we both know those are hard to find in the papers. "

Her answer surprises him, intrigues even. "Are you a lawyer?" He Is taking a blind shot.

She smiles like it would be something funny. "No, Mr. Castle, I work for the Daily Press. We want to print your version of the events from five years ago in our Monday edition."

"You don't look like a journalist."

" That's what makes me a good journalist." She takes out a notebook and a pen from her bag, putting them between them. "Let's start from the beginning. What do you remember of Saturday, January 9th 1999?"

"Do you believe I'm innocent?"

It's irritating, really, like he wouldn't hear her at all. "My opinion doesn't matter, sir."

He leans back in his chair, his face deadly serious as his eyes are studying her face. "It matters to me."

His eyes seem to be drilling through her soul and she forces herself not to look away.

It took her long enough to reach the place where she could genuinely ask herself that question. And she might be the only person in the world right now, who has something more than just the faith. But she can't tell him that, not right now at least.

"As a journalist I believe in facts, Mr. Castle and the fact is that you have been charged with first degree murder with special circumstances. The verdict was obtained by the Jury and you've been found guilty on all counts and sentenced to death by lethal injection."

He didn't expect such an honest and straight forward answer. What did she try to accomplish here?

"Now, can we now get back to your story? The trial was fast, evidence was solid, you were convicted in a heartbeat. The jury has accomplished the verdict only after one and a half hour of deliberation. And yet, for the whole time you claimed to be innocent. Who, in your opinion, framed you?"

"How do you know how long jury has deliberated, Kate?" He asks, all of his senses at high alert. There is something in her, something that just doesn't feel right.

"Mr Castle, this is not how it works." She sighs irritated, angry even. "You can't throw a question at me, every time I ask you one."

"You are right." He leans closer, irritated by this strange game they're playing. "So why won't we cut to the chase and you tell me why are you really here."

She doesn't answer at first, weighing up her next move. She can tell that he'd recognize any other lie so the only thing she can do to save the situation is to give him a piece of truth.

"You were right. I'm not a journalist." She watches as he is digesting the information, not really sure how to react. "I'm a cop. And I do believe you are innocent. I'm here to help you."


	2. Chapter 1

_I still don't own anything, this chapter will be a look into the past, from the aftermath of Kate's mother death, sheding some light into the story, hopefully ;)_

 _I've been wondering...the fact that Kate mom's killer was not caught, was something that decided about her whole future, shaped her personality. Made her who she was when the show picked up. How would it affect her if the case was solved much sooner?_

 _But remember, sooner, doesn't mean better..._

 _Enjoy :)_

* * *

Kate waited for this day for so long that when she finally hears the words " All rise the Jury has reached a verdict." her legs give out. She would be still glued to the wooden court bench if it wouldn't be for Lanie's arms surrounding her and helping her up. She rests whole weight on her, hanging to her like a lifeline.

She is sinking again.

The door on the other side opens and people starts to come in, one after another. Twelve of them. None of them knows her mother, other than from the crime scene photos. They saw her broken, bloodied body, but what they don't know is how her smile could lighten the room, they don't know how wonderful and caring person she was. They don't have a hole in their heart now and they don't have to cope with the terrible emptiness for the rest of their lives.

And yet, _they_ were given the right to decide whether the man who took her life deserves to be punished.

The prosecution is calling for death penalty, finding the defendant acting " _after substantial planning and premeditation_ " and the homicide beeing committed _"in a cold, calculated, and premeditated manner without any pretense of moral or legal justification"_

She knows this, because the head prosecutor explained everything to her before the first hearing, he told Kate how _the defendant_ lured her mother into the alley, then shot her with cold blood, making It look like a mugging, taking her scarf as some sick trophy, throwing the wallet and the jewelry to the dumpster two blocks away.

They say she didn't die instantly, that she might have been saved if someone was passing by, if she got help.

She didn't realize hatred can be so consuming.

Lanie pulls her down, they are sitting again. The judge takes the envelope from the leader of the jurists and puts on the glasses. That's when her eyes shift to _him._

From the back of the gallery she can see his broad shoulders in a suit, once perfectly fitting but now way too big and hanging from his gaunt figure.

She sincerely hopes it's the guilt eating away at his conscience.

 _He_ is sitting next to his lawyer, two armed guards at each side of the table, their presence as a reminder of what is at stake.

She can see his hands trembling under the table, he's terrified for sure. This awareness brings her some twisted sense of satisfaction.

 _So now you know_ \- she thinks- _how it feels when someone else decides about your life or death._

She still remembers the moment she saw him for the first time. Not in the papers, or on TV screen, but in person.

 _It's the first day of the trial and as soon as she enters the court building she is surrounded by cameras, microphones and questions she can't answer._

 _She pushes through the crowd and ducks to the nearest bathroom. The black button-up she is wearing is itching her skin, making it almost impossible to breathe._

 _She sags against the sink, letting the tears fall down freely, because it's better here and now than_ there _, in front of everyone._

 _Glad that she didn't have time to put on any make-up, Kate splashes the cold water over her face, grabs a couple of paper towels, drying her skin carefully, putting her thoughts in order, getting ready._

 _But she definitely couldn't get ready for seeing him just outside women's bathroom. He's talking to his lawyer, fighting apparently but they fall silent the moment they see her. They are both paralyzed for a moment, staring at each other._

 _Kate feels disappointed. He doesn't look like a monster she pictured in her head. On the contrary, he looks normal, just a regular guy she would probably smile to and ask about the day if he'd drop by in the diner she used to work during summer breaks. Kate recognizes compassion in his gaze and it makes her furious. She could feel the anger swelling inside she wanted to tear him apart with her bare hands, make him suffer. It must have been engraved on her face because the lawyer quickly pulls him away, leading elsewhere._

 _Later that day, when she testifies under an owe that the evidence number 34 found in defendant's apartment is indeed her mother's scarf which she wore it that day, he doesn't dare to look her in the eyes._

* * *

Judge's face is impermeable as he is reading the verdict in silence. He must feel it too. How the air in the room has changed, now dense and heavy from anticipation. Everyone literally holds their breath waiting for the final words.

Even if the Judge is aware of the tension, he doesn't express it. Instead, he places the verdict on his desk, takes off the glasses and his eyes travel around the courtroom, glistening with true gravity and concern.

" This trial, we were part of was an unusual example …"

She thinks of her dad. Maybe if he'd be strong enough to come here today, he'd find some comfort and closure seeing this. She wishes he'd choose to share his sorrows with his daughter instead of the bottle.

 _Maybe then, they'd both have a chance to heal._

And then, before she had a chance to react, the gallery explodes with the riot of noises. The reporters start shouting questions to the attorneys, people are sobbing, a scream breaks free from redhead woman's throat in the first row. There is something heart wrenching in it that brings chills on Kate's back.

She can feel Lanie's arms wrapping around her.

"Does it mean-?" she mumbles, paralysed.

"Maximum penalty" she hears Lanie's trembling voice. "It's over sweetie."

"It's over." Kate tastes the words, hoping they'd melt into her broken soul.

* * *

"What are you thinking about?" Lanie breaks the silence with soft voice, doing her best trying to tame the concern which pours out of her eyes anyway.

Kate shakes her head slowly, not ready for a conversation. The TV is blaring in front of them. She focuses on the images, so vivid and fresh.

She never thought about her life after the trial. Is there even any? Or is it just a mosaic of smaller and bigger gaps?

Truthfully, she was 20 years old and she felt her life has ended almost a year and half ago, this freezing January evening when they saw detective Raglan on their doorstep.

"You talked to your dad? "

"Yeah"

"And? What did he say?"

"He wasn't really in the state to speak. " Kate is busy pulling the loose thread in her blanket. "But I think he understood."

"He will be alright, you know? He just needs more time." Lanie doesn't give up.

"Thanks Lanie." Kate smiles faintly. "You are a good friend."

The familiar sound of the news segment starting makes their heads shift to the screen. Lanie grabs a remote to turn it up.

".. _.Today, after a four-month jury-trial, a murder mystery novelist, Richard Castle, age 31, has been found guilty and then sentenced to death for the first-degree murder of Johanna Beckett a member of Jacksonville Bar Assosiation. He will wait for the sentence to be carried out in Florida State Prison. Let me remind you, according to the evidence presented at the trial ..."_

"Does it help?" Lanie asks. "Knowing that he will pay for this?"

Kate is still staring at the TV, hypnotyzed. "It's not enough."

 _It never will be._

She thought it will bring her peace. She thought that after getting justice everything will change. She hoped she'd feel relief, or maybe even happiness but at this moment, when it's finally over, she feels empty.

* * *

 _It may seem a little bit too dramatic, but it was one of the toughest moments in Kate's life, dealing with her mom's death so i might overdo it a little bit... don't worry though, it won't be always like that ;)_

 _Penny for your thoughts?_


End file.
